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Intervention Format

An intervention can be facilitated by an interventionist, therapist, or family member. The basic format of an intervention is as follows:

What?
A Family Intervention

Why?
Because it matches the urgency of the crisis and is necessary to either save a life, the quality of a life, or possibly even a soul.

Who?
Only inner circle family members and very close friends who, by the nature of their relationship with the young man, have influence on him. This must especially be the group within the inner circle that truly understands the gravity of the situation and has the courage to voice their concerns, draw a firm boundary line, and hold their ground. Anybody who would compromise the united front should not be at this meeting or it will
fail and put the son at higher risk.

When?
The sooner the better, but it must be when the group is prepared. The timing has to be balanced with the level of danger in waiting but cannot be done poorly or it will jeopardize the young man as well as the family.

Where?
At a strategic location for getting the young man to be there and for privacy.

How?

Preparation

A circle of chairs in a room with the boy at the opposite side of the room from the door and "big uncles" sitting between him and the door for a visual obstacle to running.
One facilitator or a two facilitator team, with one being the primary and the other a co-facilitator, as the director(s) of the intervention. If it is a single parent family the choices are the parent or the professional. If there are two parents involved the primary and co-facilitator approach is strong for showing the united front, even if the parents are not married. Who fits best into the primary or co-facilitator roles is dependent on which way the parents decide will be more successful. If one facilitator is the option of choice it could either be one of the parents or a competent professional.
Many interventions are facilitated by a parent. If all things are equal with dad and mom, meaning they are both on generally the same page with the intervention as well as with the son, the dad is usually the best one to be the primary facilitator. This is not a criticism of the mom but instead a strategy move aimed at increasing the odds of getting the son into treatment. When dads draw a calm but firm line, and are backed by the mom, the odds of the son doing what this “strong united front” is leading him to do are very high. Because of their age, rebellious young men are more likely to be defiant to the mom than the dad thus, one reason for this approach. This is accurate for most families however; in any given family the opposite may be true so the reverse formation with mom as the primary could be the best way to approach the intervention.
It is rare that a person outside of the parents or a professional would be appropriate to facilitate an intervention. Most often, if the parents don’t facilitate they will hire a therapist they’ve been working with or a professional interventionist. If you are looking for a professional interventionist contact us and we will get you in touch with one. Each family must make this decision based on "what is the best way to win."
The son's role is not to talk but to listen and answer three questions, one at the end of each round.

Round One

The goal of Round One is to melt his heart with the outpouring of love and concern so that he agrees to going to treatment when asked at the end of the round. Starting with Mom or Dad, who are seated on each side of the son (if both are available) and working around the circle, each person will verbally express their love and concern for the boy and a deep desire for him to get on a new road by going to a residential treatment program.
This is a very brief statement and the rotation moves around the group pretty quickly. An example would be, "Son, I've loved you since the moment I found out your mom was pregnant with you and that love has just grown and grown since then. I love you so much and I know you are headed down the wrong road. Please go to treatment.” This is about all there is to this round. I know of a few cases where it was all that was needed but keep in mind that this is a rare scenario. Also keep in mind that it has no correlation with success in the long run. Getting him into treatment is the only predictor that is positive towards a success, not how difficult or easy it was to get him there.
Anytime the boy starts to interrupt, deny, minimize, explain, make promises, or anything, the primary facilitator needs to calmly and firmly say, "Son, wait until everybody finishes and you will have your turn to answer the question" and make sure he does so.
At the end of round one when everybody has voiced their love, concern, and desire for the young man, the facilitator says, "Son, your whole family has said how much we/they love you and how worried we all are about you. We've all asked you to begin a change by going to a residential treatment program. Will you choose to go?"
If the boy says yes, immediately get hugs and get gone, with a prayer thanking God and asking for His continued help. Don’t have a church service celebration. That would be out of place and inappropriate. Do not delay. Have his bags already packed and go.
If the boys says no, which is what will almost always happen, immediately begin the second round. Do not let him start promising, denying, minimizing, cutting deals, or anything else.

Round Two

The goal is to deflate his spirit to the point that he opens his heart and sees the pain he is causing to the point that he agrees to go to treatment. Remember that while this round should communicate deep emotions, some of which will not be pleasant, that the love for the son has to permeate the room. The round begins in the same order as round one but this time each person honestly and deeply confronts the young man with the cold hard facts of how much he is hurting each individual and the family as a whole with his choices in lifestyle, using alcohol/drugs, morality, lying, etc. This is the round that is not only appropriate for much emotion, tears and anger; it is the round where they are vital to help the young man.
When angry remember that hurt and fear are always inside anger so make it controlled anger. This is not a license to unleash pent-up anger and to be harsh. Instead this round is a time for honest emotion and firm resolve based in love and concern. At the end of the round the facilitator asks the question again and follows the protocol again with the yes or the no.
Many interventions are facilitated by a parent. If all things are equal with dad and mom, meaning they are both on generally the same page with the intervention as well as with the son, the dad is usually the best one to be the primary facilitator. This is not a criticism of the mom but instead a strategy move aimed at increasing the odds of getting the son into treatment. When dads draw a calm but firm line, and are backed by the mom, the odds of the son doing what this “strong united front” is leading him to do are very high. Because of their age, rebellious young men are more likely to be defiant to the mom than the dad thus, one reason for this approach. This is accurate for most families however; in any given family the opposite may be true so the reverse formation with mom as the primary could be the best way to approach the intervention.
If a no, which again, is probable, the facilitator begins Round Three in the same order as the first two rounds.

Round Three

Most of the young men who have gone through Capstone’s program did not want to go to treatment nor choose to do so. Most came because of their “I have no choice” choice. I can’t say that one hundred percent of our graduates thanked their parents for getting them to Capstone and expressed that they were glad they had gone through the program, but I almost can. Ninety percent plus have done so. Sure it would be great if a young man chose to come on his own, we’ve had several who have done so. Most of them started strong and did very well so their choosing was a definite advantage. However, we’ve also had guys enter willingly who didn’t do well and eventually fell back into the drug culture. What I am saying is it doesn’t matter much how you start as long as you start; what matters is how you finish.
The goal of this final round is to break his self-will in a way that creates a double bind situation for the young man so he has to start treatment. When an individual goes through Round One and Two continuing to refuse treatment, it is because his addiction is so strong that he cannot access his heart, think logically, or see himself in the mirror. Now it becomes a situation of self-will that is self-destructive. So the double bind is sort of like an “I have no choice”-choice to go to treatment, and it works as a method to get him admitted into treatment so he can have a chance to change. I often call this the old Godfather line, “Offer him a deal he can’t refuse” or the “illusion of choice”. Technically he still has the choice to walk out and tell the family to forget it. However, the consequences of such a choice are so heavy that the odds are low that he would do so.
This is the hard round and often the most vital. In this round each person draws a hard boundary line by lovingly, steadfastly, and briefly stating that they will not support him in any way as long as he refuses treatment: no money, food, shelter, or connection (if they have it, parents need to keep health insurance on him without his knowledge because it protects everybody). This line is drawn because the family believes that his present course of choices and lifestyle will end in his death, imprisonment, or another catastrophic tragedy. Until he goes to treatment and begins to get his life on track, the boundary must stay solid and unified in order to help him change his mind.
This is basically the “Two-Roads Choice” where the group names the obvious two choices, to go or not to go to treatment; and then explains the choices they’ve already made in regard to their responses to whichever road he chooses.
It is imperative that the group must communicate to him that he must finish the treatment first before he gets support. Promising to do something and then not finishing it is his typical pattern so, for his own good, make him finish first. If he earns it he will be proud of it.
The solidarity of the group in this round is vital to success. No one can compromise the group’s stand. I’ve heard clients tell stories of a couple of interventions where some family member caved in at this point by saying, “I just can’t turn him away” or “I can’t disown him” and it absolutely made the situation much worse. One compromiser and he’s not going to choose treatment. He’ll cycle deeper into the drug culture before the family has another opportunity to intervene, if they ever get it again.
At the end of the round, the facilitator asks the question again and follows the yes protocol if the boy gives a yes (get hugs and get gone, with a prayer), but if the boy gives a no answer the facilitator might want to allow some periods of silence and impromptu interactions. Sort of let the moment simmer for a few minutes or until the situation seems to be moving in the wrong direction.

What if he says "no" after three rounds?

Option 1

With a “no” after round three, the facilitator, with a calm firm resolve, backed by the group says, “Son please know that we love you with all of our hearts and that love has generated this entire process. After we tell you our responses to your choice to not go to treatment, try your best to remember that we are responding out of our love for you. Because of your choice, you’ve lost all support from your family.

Option 2

You’ve chosen the alcohol/drugs and drug culture life which tells us how bad the addiction is and how much danger you are in. Therefore, you leave us no choice but to take an even harder stand. We already have the appropriate phone numbers and as soon as you leave we are going to call the State Police Narcotics Division (your state) and give them the information that we’ve prepared:

Your picture, driver’s license, and SS #.
Your license plate number.
The names of all of your friends with whom we suspect you use and possibly deal drugs. (Pull out a prepared list but do not let him see it unless you can name some names that will alarm him).
The phone numbers that we have on record (pull out the cell phone records if you have them).
We are going to tell them that you are a drug user, probably a drug seller, and that you run with these specific people and more who are drug users and drug sellers.
We will tell them that we will help them bust you anytime they can because we believe that because of your choices tonight, it’s the only way to save you.

Some vital coaching points:
His anger, remorse, promises, and threats are par for the course in an intervention. Virtually every son will threaten to run away and never be seen again, or to commit suicide, or to do whatever hurts and frightens the parents the most. These tragedies are mathematically possible, thus the reason the parent(s) are the only ones who have the right and responsibility to make the decisions about the intervention. However, statistically the odds are very low that an individual young man will actually disappear, die from an accident, commit suicide, etc., but odds of these types of tragedies happening are very high if he stays on his current course. When it comes to talking about odds and percentages, I want you to know that, as a father of four children, I understand that if it’s your son who is in that low odds category, it is one hundred percent for you. This is why parents must weigh the risks in doing an intervention with its follow through, with the risks of NOT drawing a firm boundary line. In other words, in most situations the son’s risk of tragedy is much higher by not intervening than by doing so. But the decision about intervention and boundaries, as well as their results belong to the parents. The responsibility for what the young man does is his and his only. Whether he wants it or not, no matter what has happened to him, no matter what he has done, he is responsible for his life and the quality therein.

If you have questions or if you want to get in touch with a professional interventionist, please contact us at info@capstonetreatmentcenter.com or call us toll free at 866-729-4479.
God bless.